Help with Talking Trash to 'Bama Fans
Ahoy!
I'm here. I'm in a Pasadena hotel, and I can't sleep.
I saw a 'Bama fan today, and I gave this incredibly attractive woman a thumbs down from across the street. These ended up being separate events, as the 'Bama fan was standing next to an incredibly attractive woman. The 'Bama fan didn't see me. She did.
So I'm off to a bad start, and to be honest, I'm generally bad at trash talk. Beggars can't be choosers, but let me make some requests:
- No foul language. I can appreciate well-executed foul language, but I try not to use it, myself.
- No references to cosanguineous relationships. I think we can do better, and this type of insult feels too lowbrow to be Michigan-caliber.
Predicted insults I would ask to have some comebacks for:
- Signgate. I really feel good about having a longer conversation about this stuff, but a retaliatory zinger is out of my wheelhouse.
- Michigan's Bowl Record. I feel like this would come up.
- Michigan's Two Best 2023 Wins Getting Beaten by SEC Teams. This is bound to be a talking point.
Some issues I'd like to bring up:
- 'Bama shouldn't be here. We are all Seminoles.
- Saban has a history of cheating, and the margin of his dominance has demonstrably shrunk in light of field-leveling changes in NIL. Some good way to frame 'Bama as a serial cheater who can't cheat as well.
Thanks a bunch and Go Blue!
January 1st, 2024 at 2:16 AM ^
Be magnanimous, you’re representing Michigan fans.
January 1st, 2024 at 2:22 AM ^
They are generally nice people. Be respectful. Until we knock them off the pedestal, there is no reason to be a dick. Enjoy the game!
January 1st, 2024 at 8:44 AM ^
I'll trash talk after a Michigan victory and focus that on Pete Thamel, Paul Finebaum, Joey Galloway and all of the rest of national pundits who have slammed Michigan after the bogus signgate story broke.
January 1st, 2024 at 2:30 AM ^
Yeah, between my general position that it's good to be pleasant to people, even rival fans... and the fact that Bama has trash talk cred on basically everybody in college football, I think going light before the game is final is a good idea.
January 1st, 2024 at 2:30 AM ^
You are representing all of the University of Michigan our fans and our team. Your only response should be one of great character and respect. Think about how JJ or Blake would act. Character and integrity. That is you.
January 1st, 2024 at 8:57 AM ^
W. W. JJ. D.
January 1st, 2024 at 2:34 AM ^
Signgate is nothing, Saban more or less admitted as much. And he hired our ex coach, which is way more egregious (although allowed).
Bowl record is what it is, don't bother. Explanations are there, but it's too long a story. Just say today is a new day.
Osu is a shell of themselves, Jenkins said it best, that's not the team we played. Down top wr and qb, in a meaningless bowl game. And psu lost by one score in a top 10 match up, hardly a zinger. Plus their top de might have been out, but don't quote me.
Please, please don't try the bama shouldn't be here. Fsu got smoked, worst bowl loss ever, literally. Don't try the ooh opt out etc. They didn't belong, full stop. And forget the cheating shtick, unless you have receipts. Yes it's obvious, but they will say sign gate is obvious. just say go blue, and may the best team win.
January 1st, 2024 at 8:47 AM ^
I believe in good sportsmanship.
January 1st, 2024 at 11:05 AM ^
Penn State got steamrolled
January 1st, 2024 at 2:34 AM ^
There's no need to debate anymore, the game's today. If anyone talks shit about our team or our conference, I'll just be telling them that we'll see today who's better, and I don't think they'll like how it turns out
January 1st, 2024 at 2:36 AM ^
Do you think trash-talking somehow helps Michigan win the game?
January 1st, 2024 at 11:04 AM ^
No, but talking about here is a clear causation to victory.
January 1st, 2024 at 11:34 AM ^
Timely gulps of alcohol or munching of.chips during the game are much more effective. And be sure not to sit in the Losing Chair.
January 1st, 2024 at 2:39 AM ^
Signgate: Get outta her with "cheating". We had a super fan do some crazy stuff, you had a crazy fan, let's not poison this great game with comparing whose crazy fan did more damage.
January 1st, 2024 at 6:22 AM ^
This is a good one to have in the arsenal. Low-key and sounds very polite on the surface but dripping with subtle reference. It might not even be immediately understood - the best kind of discourse!
January 1st, 2024 at 6:22 AM ^
Dreaded 6am double post. 😔
January 1st, 2024 at 11:40 AM ^
And it's not signgate, Everybody does that. It's in-person scouting at a public event when helmet communications are available but banned.
The ncaa is a dinosaur.
January 1st, 2024 at 2:55 AM ^
Without foul language, I'm useless. But unless some Bama fan starts shish, just be the bigger person.
But if you ever want to resort to cursing, hit me up!
January 1st, 2024 at 2:56 AM ^
Roll Blue works.
January 1st, 2024 at 3:21 AM ^
Try out: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
January 1st, 2024 at 6:45 AM ^
I fart in your general direction!
January 1st, 2024 at 3:27 AM ^
This is the dumbest thread of the new year
January 1st, 2024 at 11:11 AM ^
and it only took us a couple of hours to achieve that feat...
January 1st, 2024 at 3:32 AM ^
QDAGTB
January 1st, 2024 at 3:35 AM ^
Trash talking to randoms is always trash. Promise you, that attractive lady agrees. Refocus! Forget about trash talking and GET YOUR GAME ON. Go do that shit! LOL
Good luck my friend, save your energy. We'll need you.
Go Blue, Beat Bama!
January 1st, 2024 at 3:59 AM ^
Saban is past his prime
Milroe is inaccurate
Bama LB's and DT's are not certain 1st round picks this time
Something about the Heisman pose vs the James Bond pose.
(You'll need to just blanket-ignore Michigan's long tradition of sucking in the Rose Bowl, TCU, the M run game is just OK, and the fact that JJ looked pretty bad since he got dinged up at Penn State. None of that is relevant...)
You will need to talk slowly and probably need to use the word y'all a lot, like a loooot.
January 1st, 2024 at 4:14 AM ^
If we win, you'll have some basis for trash talk.
However, win or lose, I'm pretty sure you only get negative lifetime achievement points for trash talk to people you don't know... except for in very rare circumstances that I hope you don't find yourself in.
Too many negative lifetime achievement points, and the next go round if you're fortunate enough to wind up attending a University, it will be one with a moniker including the word 'State'
January 1st, 2024 at 4:52 AM ^
Let the players do the talking with their play on the field.
January 1st, 2024 at 5:34 AM ^
Just call them a daffodil like in Seinfeld. Can’t go wrong
January 1st, 2024 at 6:06 AM ^
Try using math, Chaucer and honesty.
Plan B is a diverse family tree and dentistry.
Plan C involves reminders on who won the war and the virtues of education.
Anticipate befuddlement.
January 1st, 2024 at 6:25 AM ^
Just smile and walk on.
January 1st, 2024 at 6:27 AM ^
Take the high road. Two traditional programs meeting in the Granddaddy of them all.
Thank them for coming out to Pasadena - and suggest Michigan & Bama should have a “home & home” - where you invite them to join your tailgate in Ann Arbor.
P.S. - I guess you could always ask… “Who do you think is / was the better coach and why? Bear or Saban?” They’ll talk for a while about it. And, you could also ask - what they think the keys to the game are?
Be polite.. represent Michigan well. Go Blue!
January 1st, 2024 at 6:27 AM ^
maybe just try to focus on enjoying yourself...what a game to get to experience!
January 1st, 2024 at 6:36 AM ^
If you have to ask how to talk trash then you’re not built for that game.
January 1st, 2024 at 7:06 AM ^
If you see the attractive lady again make it look like you have an involuntary spasm in your arm.
January 1st, 2024 at 7:17 AM ^
Tell them that your dad can beat up their dad, then when you get home from the playground you can have a Capri Sun and watch Duck Tales.
January 1st, 2024 at 8:02 AM ^
This guy 90s
January 1st, 2024 at 8:24 AM ^
Great tasting fun when you punch open one…Capri Sun!
January 1st, 2024 at 10:34 AM ^
I don’t literally laugh out loud often reading this blog, but that was a good one!
January 1st, 2024 at 7:40 AM ^
Silence can not be misquoted
January 1st, 2024 at 8:03 AM ^
Quit drinking & go to bed.
January 1st, 2024 at 8:38 AM ^
Why do you feel the need to trash talk? Do you also heckle the comedian?
Let the final score be your trash talk
January 1st, 2024 at 8:48 AM ^
Congratulate them on their team's selection to the playoffs.
Ask them if they vacation on gulf shores / at Gulf Shores.
If the woman is attractive and both of you are single, ask her if she is the Rose Parade Queen. Tell her the roses pale in comparison to her radiance.
Leave out the Alabama education system and state literacy rates.
January 1st, 2024 at 8:50 AM ^
Yea I don't think calling Saban a cheater is going to go over very well
January 1st, 2024 at 8:51 AM ^
Just walk around with your nose so stuck up in the air that you don't see any bama fans in the first place.
January 1st, 2024 at 8:51 AM ^
If you need instructions on how to trash talk, then just don't.
January 1st, 2024 at 8:52 AM ^
Trash talk after the game and use “cosanguineous” as your mainstay so you don’t get beaten up. No one will know what the hell you are saying anyway.
January 1st, 2024 at 9:14 AM ^
I don't know what it means, but if someone used that word with me I'd ask them if they kiss their mother with that mouth.
January 1st, 2024 at 9:42 AM ^
Kissing your mother is the whole point!
(I had to look it up, too...)
January 1st, 2024 at 9:04 AM ^
This thread is stupid and should be nuked.