#branding

[Upchurch]

I knew exactly who I wanted to talk to when I saw the list of players available Monday. It was the perfect confluence of events: a great overhead angle of a Michigan touchdown run, Poggi mashing two guys at once on said run, and a question stem using The Big Lebowski that popped into my head after watching the replay just once. It seemed related enough to ask. This is a very professional website. 

What were you expecting from them at that point and what did you get?

“Yeah, I think we were down at what, the five- or six-yard line? Not sure what exact front they were in but we knew they were going to be heavy run there. We were I think in like a wing, pretty much just a regular Power play. Down, down, guard pulls, and I have everything off the edge—Ty [Isaac] made a great cut—and just fitting right up off of that edge.”

Once you do engage the safety you’ve got that corner behind him. Are you trying to turn him so you can block two at once or is that just the way timing worked out on this play?

“Yeah, just kind of hit ‘em how you see ‘em.”

Walk me through the finer points of a goal-line kickout.

“I think just the most important thing is you can’t let much penetration and you’ve got to win inside and upfield, so you want to go attacking at his outside shoulder and just kick him out and push him upfield. Kind of create that running room.”

I can’t let a one-on-one go by without a Big Lebowski question. Who were you trying to channel on that play? Was it Walter and the red Corvette, because it seemed like Walter and the red Corvette.

“Definitely Walter. Had to let #2 know that he’s entering a world of pain.”

The tradition continues. See previous for Why.

: Oh, flibblyniblets.

: What’s wrong, April?

: I am trying to surprise my husband with a bowl trip this year but I don’t know how to communicate where we’re going. I thought we were going to the Orange Bowl, but then I looked it up and it said some sort of credit card company.

: Oh, I see what happened.

: You do?

: Why yes, you need COMMON LANGUAGE!

: Lamegwege? What’s that?

: Language! I use it all the time! It’s a body of words—and the systems for their use—that are common to a people who are of the same linguistic community. Here’s how it works:

Words are used to convey meanings that the listener is already conditioned to understand. The words enter the ear canal and are interpreted by the brain into cognitive thoughts.

: But I’ve tried that. What if, like, some credit card company pays to replace the words for a bowl game with their name?

: Silly April, you can’t BUY language! All you have to do is use words that your listener will comprehend.

For example here’s how you refer to all of this year’s bowl games in English:

(bold are the ones where they’ve done away with the real names. All times are EST. Click each logo to get the full size. Use however you like.)

Date/Time	You Call it	They Call It	Since	Teams	Logo
Dec 17	New Mexico	Gildan…	2006	UNM/UTSA
Dec 17	Las Vegas	“	1992	SDSU/Houston
Dec 17	Camellia	Raycom Media…	2014	AppSt/Toledo
Dec 17	Cure	AutoNation…	2015	ArkSt/UCF
Dec 17	New Orleans	R+L Carriers	2001	S.Miss/La-Laf
Dec 19	Miami Beach	“	2014	Tulsa/CMU
Dec 20	Boca Bowl	Boca Raton	2014	WKU/Memphis
Dec 21	Poinsettia	San Diego County Credit Union…	2005	BYU/Wyoming
Dec 22-7pm	Potato	Famous Idaho…	1997	Idaho/CSU
Dec 23-1pm	Bahamas	Popeyes…	2014	EMU/Old Dom
Dec23-4:30	The Military One at TCU	Lockheed Martin Armed Forces	2003	Navy/LaTech
Dec23-8pm	Mobile	Dollar General	1999	Troy/OHIO!
Dec24-8pm	Hawaii	“	2002	Hawaii/MTSU
Dec26-11am	(or Tampa II)	St. Petersburg	2008	MSU (NTMSU)/ Miami (NTM)
Dec26-2:30	Motor City	Quick Lane	2014	Maryland/BC
Dec26-5pm	Independence	Camping World…	1976	NCSt/Vandy
Dec27-noon	Heart of Dallas or Cotton II	Zaxby’s…	2010	Army/N.Tex
Dec27-3:30	The Military one in D.C.	Military Bowl	2008	Temple/Wake
Dec27-7pm	Holiday	National Funding…	1978	Minn/WSU
Dec27-10:15	Cactus (or Copper)	Motel 6…	1989	Baylor/Boise
Dec28-2pm	Pinstripe	New Era…	2010	Pitt/NWern
Dec28=5:30	Tangerine or Citrus II	Russell Athletic	1990	Miami(YTM)/ WVU
Dec28-8:30	San Francisco	Foster Farms	2002	IU/Utah
Dec28-9pm	Texas or Bluebonnet	AdvoCare V100…	2006	A&M/KSU
Dec29-2pm	Birmingham	“	2006	SC/USF
Dec29-5:30	Queen City	Belk	2002	Ark/VT
Dec29-9pm	Alamo	Valero…	1993	OkSt/Colo
Dec30-noon	Liberty	Autozone…	1959	UGA/TCU
Dec30-1pm	Sun Bowl	Hyandai	1934	Stan/UNC
Dec30-3:30	Music City	Franklin American Mortgage…	1998	Neb/Tenn
Dec30-5:30	Arizona	Nova Home Loans…	2016	AF/S.Bama
Dec30-8pm	Orange	Capital One…	1935	Mich/FSU
Dec31-11a	Citrus	Buffalo Wild Wings…	1946	L’ville/LSU
Dec31-11a	Gator	Taxslayer	1945	GT/Kentucky
Dec31-noon	Peach*	Chick-fil-A	1968	Bama/UW
Dec31-7pm	Fiesta*	PlayStation…	1971	Clemson/OSU
Jan2-1pm	Outback (or Hall of Fame)	“	1986	Florida/Iowa
Jan2-1pm	Cotton	Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic	1937	WMU/Wis
Jan2-5pm	Rose	“	1902	PSU/USC
Jan2-8:30p	Sugar	Allstate…	1935	Auburn/Okla
Jan9-8:30p	CFP National Championship		2015	?/?

* semi-final games.

: So I’m a bit less confused, but why is the bowl in Jerryworld called the “Cotton Bowl” when the one played at the Cotton Bowl is called “Heart of Dallas”?

: I guess that’s why they added “Classic” to it, but yeah, words can’t fix everything. They can assist in communication, not guarantee clarity.

: So I can actually use these names to convey meaning to other people who speak the same language as me! Tell me, is this legal?

: Have you entered into a contract with any of the sponsors above where they pay you to replace words in your speech with their names?

: Well, no, that actually sounds kind of...

: yeah.

: …fizzly. Flupped even. Totally flupped beyond wizzly fizzy.

: Glad we had this conversation.