OT: Rutgers season tickets!

Submitted by Hagen on
Slow sports night, so I thought the board would enjoy this hilarious email I received.  I purchased tickets to the game at Rutgers two season ago, and am now on their e-mail list [which I've hit unsubscribe to at least twice by now].  Well, they seem to have some serious lofty expectations.  
 
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I hope all is well. As your personal contact for Rutgers Athletics, I wanted to share some incredible news with you! 
 
We are currently on sale for the 2018 Rutgers Football season. Be here to watch Coach Ash and the team power through the Big Ten Conference to the top of the Eastern Division standings! 
 
Here are some reasons others have gotten on board with us this season:
  • 4-installment payment plan
  • No priority point seating minimums to ensure you have access to our best seating locations
  • 2 complimentary tickets to opening day vs Texas State
  • Adidas.com discounts 
…..and much more! There has never been a better time to join the Rutgers family!
 
When is the best time to discuss your plans for next season?
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Anyone funnier than me want to offer up a response?

BlueChip27

February 27th, 2018 at 7:58 PM ^

  1. As far as when the best time to discuss my plans for next season......uh never.
  2. I will give them credit for having a sense of humor.
  3. This made me think it was an April Fool's joke.

Get a Grip

February 27th, 2018 at 8:10 PM ^

I hope all is well (God knows that it's not for me, I work for Rutgers athletics!). As your personal contact for Rutgers Athletics (Wal-Mart and the local Speedway turned me down, but Rutgers hired me on the spot from their off-brand Craigslist posting, Jeffslist), I wanted to share some incredible (okay, we both know the truth, but please bear with me, my job is hard enough as is) news with you (poor individual on our mailing list, even though it was most likely to watch your team commit an atrocity against humanity versus Rutgers in person)! 
 
We are currently on sale (out of necessity, of course!) for the 2018 Rutgers Football season. Be here to watch Coach Ash (see him while you can! no way he makes it to next season!) and the team (I, of course, use the term "team" loosely) power through the Big Ten Conference (I still can't believe they were stupid enough to actually accept us) to the top of the Eastern Division standings*!



*at the beginning of the year, when all teams are tied at 0-0
 
Here are some reasons others have gotten on board with us this season:
  • 4-installment payment plan (send in one penny at a time!)
  • No priority point seating minimums to ensure you have access to our best seating locations (the stadium is always literally so empty that you can move to the front row if you'd like!)
  • 2 complimentary tickets to opening day vs Texas State (they're only favored by two touchdowns! we've got a shot to keep it within single digits!)
  • Adidas.com discounts (if your actual team is an Adidas school or you need a new pair of shoes!)

…..and much more (we're so desperate that we'll throw more stuff at the wall to hopefully entice takers)! There has never been a better time to join the Rutgers family (when you're at the bottom, there's nowhere to go but up! then again, sideways in our case is much more likely, if we're being honest!)!

 
When is the best time to discuss your plans for next season? (seriously, please. we're having a competition amongst the staff and whoever gets the most people signed up gets a $10 gift card to Wal-Mart. I haven't eaten in weeks, please help me. I'm pretty sure that a single person will win me the award. please seek your heart and think of it from a charitable angle. plz)

Get a Grip

February 27th, 2018 at 9:28 PM ^

Thank you for the kind words, I genuinely appreciate it! Having said that, given those comments, you now join an exclusive list.

List of people who think Get a Grip is so funny:

1. Get a Grip's mother

2. Indy Pete - Go Blue

3. Get a Grip

We meet once a week for lunch!* Welcome aboard, truly distinguished individual of remarkable taste!

*you're paying for all three of us if you come, by the way

ChalmersE

February 27th, 2018 at 9:10 PM ^

Just to be clear: Texas State went 2-10 last year with wins over Houston Baptist and Coastal Carolina. I guess that means Rutgers has a small chance of a win. Operative words being small chance.

UNCWolverine

February 27th, 2018 at 10:55 PM ^

In 2013 I actually bought Northwestern season ticket. Their home schedule included Michigan, MSU, OSU, Western Michigan, Minnesota. I sold every ticket except for our game and made hundreds. I then also received emails from them for a few years to purchase again. Good times.