Lane Kiffin Treachery

Submitted by EGD on

As we were informed by a true genius yesterday, offensive wunderkind Lane Kiffin’s recent appearance at a Michigan bowl practice proves he harbors secret thoughts of ascending to become the Wolverines’ head someday.  Yet a South Carolina newspaper reported yesterday that Kiffin also visited Will Muschamp this week and took in the ‘Cocks! 

This is very disturbing news that raises many difficult questions.  Perhaps Kiffin considers Michigan long-term marriage potential, but wants to have his fun with South Carolina first?  Perhaps Kiffin professed his love for the Michigan program on his visit with Harbaugh, only to be rebuffed—and Muschamp has, in the words of Sir Mix-a-Lot, “pulled up quick to retreive’em?”  Or perhaps Kiffin is a sinister double-agent, spying on Michigan and passing along their secrets to the Gamecocks?

Notably, The State article points out that Kiffin will remain in Tampa the entire week leading up to the Outback Bowl.  Could there be more Kiffin drama still to come?  It’s something to watch for as the days tick down to the opening Gunn.  

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Everyone Murders

December 28th, 2017 at 9:44 AM ^

It might be fun for you to take a look at the board post "Well, alrighty then ... " wherein a person posted a highly-related topic.  After getting boatloads of flak, he refashioned the OP to basically go full Eric Cartman.

Good times.

Joined: 12/14/2010

MGoPoints: 65552

corundum

December 28th, 2017 at 9:53 AM ^

South Carolina fans probably remember when he told Alshon Jeffery that he'd end up pumping gas somewhere if he went to SC instead of Tennessee. Lane is the gift that keeps on giving.

Joined: 05/10/2012

MGoPoints: 47323

crg

December 28th, 2017 at 12:14 PM ^

In all seriousness, it might be worth considering someday down the road. Lane is a good offensive mind and motivator, but is not yet past his immature ass stage. If he shows some significant personal growth over the next decade or so, along with success at FAU (and wherever he goes afterwards), he might be worth a look if Harbaugh decides to hang it up here (hopefully after winning a few championships, conference and/or national).

Joined: 04/30/2015

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BroadneckBlue21

December 28th, 2017 at 10:11 AM ^

Preface: I am an English professor. Your post might be funnier if you didn’t egregiously misspell Kiffin six times. I have a hard time with inconsistent spellings, especially when I’m on winter break and I do not want to be reminded of student essays.

Joined: 01/12/2015

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HateSparty

December 28th, 2017 at 10:22 AM ^

As an open format kind of person, I have always been against a point total in order to post.  But after yesterday, I am now in favor of one.  I hope Gunn comes back.  He got Michigan-Rutgers, circa 2016, yesterday.  Always best to get right back up after that beatdown.  

Joined: 12/17/2014

MGoPoints: 27124

EGD

December 28th, 2017 at 11:12 AM ^

Ha, yeah, I knew somebody was going to call me out for this.  Here's my explanation.  

There is a part of the song where Mix is talking about bruthas who don't appreciate a big ass:

"Some bruthas wanna play the hard role and tell ya that the butt ain't gold

So they toss it, and leave it--

And I pull up quick to retrieve it."

Well, that's basically the part of the song I was going for (i.e., the butt being a metaphor for Kiffin, Harbaugh playing the hard role and tossing him, Muschamp doing the retrieving).  But since Kiffin is a person, using the pronoun "it" did not seem appropriate. So, I slightly altered the text into "pulled up quick to retrieve'em." 

It just so happens there is another part of the rhyme where Mix "pulls up quick" to do something.  Specifically, in that part he is talking about women with much back who are abused by their men, and then Mix "pull[s] up quick to get wit 'em."  This type of situation certainly does not provide an apt metaphor for the Kiffin-at-bowl-practice scenario.  Unfortunately, my use of "retrieve'em" creates an obvious danger of confusing the sharp Mix afficianado, and thinking I mistakenly inserted "retrieve" into the "get wit'em" line, rather than purposefully replacing "it" with "'em" in the "retrieve it" line.  Mea culpa.

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